14 Wedding Decisions Ranked
Wedding planning, as I’ve mentioned, is a beast of a thing to tame. There are likely hundreds of decisions, big and small, that must be made along the way. Some are difficult decisions by the themselves, others are difficult processes that require research and time to find the outcome everyone is comfortable with.
These fourteen decisions are key elements in most weddings. And while the ranking will be different for everyone, this is my ranking from easiest to most difficult.
1) Photographer - I realize this may have been abnormally easy for us, but there was no question as to who we trusted to capture our special day. Through my job, I have worked with many local photographers and while we love all of them, there was one who had captured Trent and I perfectly for a community project a while back. We were so sure of who we wanted, immediately after getting engaged we called him to get on his calendar. I would say, the sooner you move on this one, the better. A great photographer will be in high demand and as soon as you know who you want, get him/her on lock.
2) Reception Music - Another easy one, probably due to our shared love of music. I don’t know about you, but I have been disappointed by DJs over the years. Live music was a must for us. This was not only an easy decision, but probably one of the best decisions we made along the way. The live band rocked the house and had everyone dancing and laughing all night long. Our guests are still raving about how fun the band was. Once again, book early. And lean fun! If you must bring a bunch of strangers together, might as well give them a great show to bond over.
3) Caterer & Menu - Before we even thought about menu, we thought about who we wanted to work with. And good thing too! The caterer we choose was conscious of our budget constraints without compromising on quality. We are still hearing compliments on the tenderness of the chicken parmesan and the amazing flavor of the beet salad. And choosing the person first ensured vigilant sensitivity to some severe food allergies in my family, unlike the caterer for the rehearsal dinner.
4) Bridesmaids’ gifts - I am all about practical gifts. I want to give something that will get used for more than one day. I also sought for ways to incorporate local artists into my wedding journey. So for this one, I commissioned hand-made earrings by a talented local artist. We worked together on the design for their (and my) wedding earrings, taking care to give each pair a unique flair. I love that these gifts will continue to be used and always remind them of this special season.
5) Cake - We made this one hard on ourselves. Neither the groom nor I care much for cake and so we were just going to bypass the tradition all together. In the final months leading up to the ceremony, we realized it would add a nice crescendo to the reception and that our guests would appreciate it. Our taste test made choosing the cake itself a no brainer, but choosing the frosting and decor of the cake was surprisingly difficult. We had not planned to have one and so had not thought about it at all. This is where a little time on Pinterest can go a long way. We leaned into our other style choices and trusted the guidance of our baker to come up with a design together. It was gorgeous! And more importantly, it was delicious. There was not even one slice left at the end of the night. In the long run, Trent and I were grateful we opted in to this tradition.
6) Ceremony Sound & Processional Songs - I knew I wanted a harpist for the ceremony but it was surprisingly a bit difficult to find one. And once I did, there were still subsequent hurdles. Trying to choose which song to walk down the aisle to (from among the the hundreds of gorgeous songs on the harp) was a tough one. After listening to hours of harp performances on Youtube, I went with Moon River and loved it! And despite several doubters, I followed my conviction and hired a sound guy for the ceremony. Highly recommend. The harpist, the minister, and the groom and I needed to have microphones, we needed someone to queue up our exit song (Call Me Al by Paul Simon), and I needed to not have to worry about any of it for even one second. No matter what anybody says, if you are planning your own wedding, you will be the one trying to figure it all out and that’s not the kind of logistic I wanted to think about while walking down the aisle. If nothing else, the ceremony should be smooth and stress free. I connected the sound guy with the harpist and never thought about it again. Hiring a professional sound guy ensured the sound transitions during the ceremony went perfectly. I am very grateful I trusted my intuition on this one.
7) Venue - Another decision that we made hard on ourselves. At first we planned to get married in the historic house we are rehabbing. But when the roof repair was delayed and our venue stalled as a construction zone, we had to pivot to something else less than three months before the big day. By that point, most of the logistics were planned out and so we had to find another place that would house all the other pieces as well. It was difficult to let go of what we had envisioned for the past year and reimagine our wedding somewhere different. It seemed like every place we explored was just not the right fit. The pivot was made more difficult by the last minute nature of it and by the safety considerations placed on us by Covid-19. But we ultimately settled on a museum with outdoor spaces that the groom and I both grew up going to. As soon as we thought of it, nothing else would do. It took some extra work to create the atmosphere we wanted, but all in all we were happy that it fit our needs.
8) Color Palette - This might have been the only area where the groom and I occasioned to disagree. The key was a matter of finding the shared vision. Once we had a shared vision, the other details became easier to discuss. To me, the most stressful part about it was not seeing everything all together until the day of. I am still amazed that it all worked out. Having a few base line colors that everything else played off of really helped. It also helped that we knew for sure the groom was going to wear a green, tweed suit. I think having a few pieces set in stone from the jump helps distill the other choices along the way.
9) Wedding Coordinator - Like the sound guy, this was a necessary expense to alleviate stress. Having a day of coordinator was a non-negotiable for me from day one. While I am sure friends and family would have helped with day of logistics if we needed them to, I knew I wanted those people to enjoy themselves at the wedding instead of stressing out over the little things. It is also helpful to have one person responsible for everything instead of different people handling different parts. It wasn’t difficult to know I wanted a wedding coordinator; it was difficult to find the right person for the job. For this one, I asked around to friends who had recently been married and acquaintances who worked at local venues where weddings are held. Starting with that list was extremely helpful. It was still a long process, but something I started working on almost immediately.
10) Plating - Often times either the caterer or the venue will be able to cover plating and silverware, but this was not the case for us. When we began looking to rent plating, we saw how costly it was and realized quickly that this was not a top priority for us. As much as I wanted to opt for disposable (no clean up!), I was hesitant for fear it would detract from the other areas we had spent so much time and money planning for. But after asking around to some seasoned wedding vendors, I felt reassured that it wasn’t just us who didn’t care about the plating, it was almost everyone.
11) Drinks - Did we want a full bar? Yes. Could we afford a full bar? No. Though we planned on offering his & her cocktails, by the time the wedding approached, and we were dealing with the added expense of the venue change, this budget line was reduced yet again. If folks can’t enjoy themselves at a wedding with beer and wine, there is a bigger problem, and it isn’t mine to worry about.
12) Bridesmaids’ Dresses - My poor bridesmaids probably hated me after changing my mind so many times. What began as black velvet dresses ended as cinnamon satin, with some other variations along the way. Call me a control freak, but I wanted to go old school and have all my bridesmaids dressed the same. There were too many unknown factors already and I wanted to remove what guess work I could. I carefully considered each lady’s skin tone and body type as well as the likely temperature for an outdoor January wedding. And, being practical, I hoped to find something they could wear again. Choosing the color, fabric, and style were challenging, but even more difficult was to choose the source. The internet is saturated with options of where to order dresses from, and they are not created equal. I spent countless hours reading reviews and searching for at home photos. The key here is to find the company you trust first and then choose from their inventory. I would have saved myself several sleepless nights surfing the web had I begun with that approach. But we were all happy with the company I went with and the quality of the dresses. I can’t recommend Revelry enough!
13) Wedding shoes - If you are going to be in a pair of heels for an entire day, you take the selection of those heels very seriously. This was another one where I spent nights up reading reviews and coming up empty. Admittedly, I ordered several pairs online that were duds. And surprisingly, most of the shoe stores I visited offered very few heels to choose from. As the months went by, I was beginning to get very worried. Finally, I found a department store with a great selection. The trick here is to look at style first. I found that most of the pairs were offered in other colors online. In this way, I found my perfect fit in a fantastic navy blue, suede block heel. Though the clerk said it didn’t come in any other colors, a quick check on the store’s website proved otherwise. A few weeks later, a lovely pair of pink shoes were mine.
14) Hairstylist - When I say this one came down to the wire, I mean that my hair trial took place the Thursday before the wedding. I had no back up plan so praise the Lord it worked out. A friend of mine offered his gorgeous house for the bridal party to get ready in on the wedding day but the salon I go to stopped offering on-site weddings services at the advent of Covid. One of my biggest disappointments along my wedding journey was that my bridal party was never all together, meaning it was a non-negotiable for me that we got ready together on the wedding day. We required an on-site stylist, which was difficult to come by. After months of finding no one, I asked my wedding coordinator for a recommendation (something I should have thought of sooner.) Though the individual she sent my way was unavailable, that stylist helped me find someone who was. So cheers to the kindness of strangers!
A big theme here is to start early. This helps to get your top choices secured and allows you to make payments along the way, which is very important when taking on something this expensive. My other take-away is to trust yourself. I was grateful when I did and frustrated when I didn’t. As easy as it is to get stressed when things are difficult, remember that wedding planning is a full-time job! Not to mention the added strain of planning a wedding during a pandemic. At the end of the day, you’ll be married and celebrating with those you love. The rest is just the icing.
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