We Are All At Risk

There’s something you don’t know about me. Well, actually, there are a few things I keep close to my chest. Don’t worry, I am not about to hang out all my laundry, but I do think the time has come to share one particular journey of mine that our current health crisis is magnifying. 

I have rheumatoid arthritis. 

First manifesting in my toes at age 25, I was serving in the Peace Corps at the time and had the added stress of only having my feet for transportation. They wanted to send me home. But after working nearly ten years to get there, learning Moroccan Arabic, and building my thesis around the research I was to complete while there, I was not having it.

So I took 6 Naproxen a day, tried not to eat bread (its own kind of challenge in Morocco, where bread is often the only utensil), and kept my mouth shut. For years, every step felt like pins were stabbing the bottom of my feet. I walked miles every day to get to the market or the youth center I was placed in. I watched nearly every volunteer hike Mount Toubkal, often taking Moroccan students with them; I longed to join them but knew I couldn’t. If a flair up was bad enough that I couldn’t hide it, I avoided answering questions about why I may be limping. My service was limited by it, but in no way ruined. I wrote my thesis. I became better in the language. I connected with and served my community. I participated in Michelle Obama’s Let Girls Learn program. I taught guitar, health, exercise, English. I kept a culture blog to share the beauty in the Muslim culture. I helped facilitate the Special Olympics. I finished my service in its entirety.

Upon returning to the states, I had more control over my diet and was no longer required to walk everywhere; things felt better. My new job required me to manage a warehouse of donations, which often included lifting and moving furniture. I managed walking everywhere for two years with the pain, I could manage this. At some point, the pain in my feet became so normal I would only take Naproxen if it was above a 5 on the pain scale (2 to 3 times a week). But then the disease began to spread. After about a year stateside, my right wrist became afflicted. Some days, I could not even hold a pen. That’s when I knew I could no longer avoid it. Nothing comes between me and my writing. 

I currently see an amazing rheumatologist and am on very strong medication (which has an $1,000 monthly co-pay, don’t worry, I’m in a program that helps pay for that). The pain of giving myself a weekly shot in the leg is worth being able to write letters and wear high heels, among other things, of course. 

My feet and wrist still hurt every day, but it’s manageable. I think we’d all agree that level 3 pain is preferable to level 7. The weight gain, skin problems, and wrist limitations, like not being able to do push-ups or planks at Orange Theory, are issues I can live with. But I still don’t like to talk about it. Resolved to not let it impact my life, I still ignore the pain and push through when possible to live my best life. 

I bring this up now, though, because those with rheumatic conditions and autoimmune diseases may be at increased risk to contract a serious or fatal case of Covid-19. Aside from finding the phrase “just the elderly” insensitive (I live with my grandmother), that just simply isn’t true. Many people have situations which put them at risk in ways the general population doesn’t consider or see. Anyone with an organ transplant, those who have been through chemotherapy, women who are pregnant, anyone with HIV, those with Asthma, and people like me and my grandma, over 60 or having an autoimmune disease.

I am fortunate enough to have a job I can do from home and a boss who is flexible, but I am certain not everyone with conditions like mine has been as lucky. People should not have to disclose something so personal, and painful, to find the support they need to self-quarantine. I hope by sharing my story, those who are supervisors, landlords, owners, community leaders, mayors will evaluate the language they are using and the policies they are implementing. Remember that ultimately, our entire country is at risk in one way or another and the sooner we show the solidarity of community good over personal comfort, the sooner this can pass.  

I encourage you to share who you are staying home for. We all need a little reminder that this is personal for so many of us.