The Wrong Side of the Bed

It’s January 4th. Which means we’ve all had a few days to soak up the new us. You know, the ones we became at the first sunrise of 2020.

New year; new me.

If we haven’t all said that to ourselves, we have at the very least been tempted by the sentiment of starting afresh in a new year. Something about the season evokes a reflection of accomplishments and an assessment of potential improvements. Though I’d like to think of myself as above the temptation to make the resolutions that can so often seem empty (as I’m sure we all have friends who like to remind us how often they go unfulfilled), I am a sucker for goal-setting!

I love being able to look back at the year past and see goals achieved. In 2019 I launched my website (you’re on it!), pushed myself professionally (into a new position), was published in Macon Magazine (4 times over!) and on several national platforms, visited Alaska and ran the Midnight Sun Run 10K, improved my credit substantially, and incorporated holistic habits into my daily life. And not to overlook the accomplishments I never expected, I bought a house and also embarked on a serious relationship (almost equally challenging for me.) It’s been a busy year. (And full of amazing music.)

This annual assessment also brings to light the goals unachieved. Goals like studying Arabic, reading a new book each month, and hitting my savings goals. This is where 2020 comes into play. It congratulates me for what I have achieved, but challenges me to do better. The new year tells me that the girl who failed at these goals can just stay in 2019. I can step into this new year with a new attitude, drive, and focus. 2020 promises to be friendly to this new me and help me be better than the girl I was before.

Well, I don’t know about you, but the old me seems to be hanging on dearly. The old, sick, scattered, struggling me. The only way I can describe my initial 2020 experience is by evoking the phrase waking up on the wrong side of the bed and all the imagery that accompanies it.

I brought this new year in with a persistent cold and the medication necessary for sleep caused me to sleep through my alarm on my first day back at the office. I didn’t do morning yoga or meditations of gratitude. I forgot the lunch I had diligently packed the night before. I rocked yesterday’s make-up, chapped lips, and unwashed hair. I powerlessly-walked through Orange Theory. I had failed at being this new, centered, put-together girl 2020 painted for me.

But at the end of the day, I went to sleep in a beautiful house I never expected to have, in the arms of someone who loves me completely, with a meaningful and fulfilling job to go to the next morning, and fridge full of food, a grandmother who inspires and cares for me, a family that loves and supports me, a community that accepts me, and a God whose grace is enough.

I do not actually see the new year as a chance to leave the old self behind. Rather I see the new year as a chance to build on what we’ve learned. It is a chance to recalibrate with the hindsight of how the challenges and opportunities of the year past affected our growth and development. We can identify where hindrances crept in and take action to mitigate it.

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed does not set the tone for my 2020. Each day is a chance to align myself with my values and build on the lessons from yesterday.

And even if my rough day did have some bearing on my year, the good news is, it’s only up from here.