Five Books for the Modern Woman

Despite considering myself an avid reader, I have more often than not read for pleasure as opposed to education. Favoring classic novels, it is not uncommon for me to begin something informative only to forsake it halfway through and pick up Frankenstein or Persuasion for the umpteenth time.

But with these modern-day perils of click-bate, sensationalized reports, and screen overload, I find the commitment to reading, and reading quality, more important than ever. Reading is a way to expand understanding, develop professionally, and grow spiritually. Of course classics have their place and there is certainly value to revisiting the books of our youth. But as I push myself to step beyond my comfort zone in the work place, I should push my reading list as well.

With this aim (and knowing that my library is limited), I reached out to a few women I respect and admire for their reading recommendations. Here are five books, of all different shapes and sizes, for the modern woman.

Get Grounded with Nina

of Jacksonville, Florida

Truth be told, I’m not a big fan of fiction. My mind seems adventurous enough that most of the time I need to reel my thoughts back to reality. So, when it comes to reading, I opt for books that keep me grounded and give practical advice on how to improve my life when it comes to mind, body, soul, and spirit. I yearn to learn what others know about success in relationships, faith, mental toughness, and business. After reading The Resolution for Women this yearning was completely fulfilled and my cup had runneth over! I couldn’t be more appreciative to my friend who gifted this to me, a book that I hope you will gift to yourself.

Author Priscilla Shirer makes no secret that this is not a book for someone who is looking for leisure reading or to be a bystander to penned entertainment. This book is intended for the woman who is looking to see her shortcomings and will challenge herself to rise above them all. She does this in a way that feels loving and comfortable … almost like you’re sitting with a good friend and talking over a cup of hot tea. What’s so dynamic about this book is that any woman can read it during any season of life and the insight will still be applicable. Shirer gracefully pivots her message as preparatory advice for those that will inevitably find themselves in similar situations, encouragement for those who currently find themselves in the thick of it, and a learning tool for the veterans to reflect and find a lesson learned.

The Resolution for Women is broken into three parts: This is Who I am, This is What I Have, and This is What Matters to Me. Each part has four to five subsections that highlight biblical perspectives and within each of those are three to four mini-chapters. Each subsection ends with a resolution including a space for you to sign. It calls the reader from behind the pages into being an active participant in creating a better future for themselves and their families. Topics range from being content in your current situation to postfeminist culture, marriage, parenting, natural talents, and decision-making for the future. There are 13 resolutions in all, and this is one of many that speaks to me:

I will pursue justice, love mercy, and extend compassion toward others.

For me, this is the ultimate way to live a Christ-like life. I see these as THE fundamentals of the Christian faith. I cannot call myself a follower of Christ if I do not make efforts toward justice, mercy, and compassion.

When I read the resolution, I asked myself – What can I do to pursue justice? Are there vulnerable populations where I can do more to lend a voice? Furthermore, where can I extend mercy? (Can you remember the feeling from when someone extended mercy to you? Maybe they didn’t make you feel bad about an error in your work? Or perhaps you were late, they brushed it off and instead focused on how happy they were to see you?) A little mercy goes a long way! It keeps our confidence intact, cushions friendships, and can even boost someone’s self-esteem. And what about compassion? Do we have the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes in a way that we can hold space for them? Or even more, extend a helping hand? Ironically, I think I like this resolution the most because I know I need to be shown these values by others the most. To take it a step further, I don’t imagine I can be adequate in any of these characteristics without help from God… so it forces us to call upon and lean on him for strength to shine in these areas. Coincidence? I think not.

Whether it’s justice, mercy, or compassion the answer is that we can ALWAYS do better. These are the challenges of challenges that keep me on my toes to be the best friend, daughter, sister, co-worker, neighbor, and one day wife and mother, that I can be. Can we agree that each of these qualities are something that the world needs more of?!

If it’s not clear, The Resolution for Women is a book that is absolutely worth the investment of your time and resources.

Meet Nina

Nina Lopez is based in Jacksonville, Florida. After years of working internationally in capacity building, she returned to the states to lend her expertise to the social sector.

Nina loves dominating the tennis courts, exploring Jacksonville on foot or by bike, and acquainting herself with its dynamic food scene.

Be Authentic with Morgan

Of Washington D. C.

It’s hard to believe that I can learn so much about myself from such an ordinary book. I found Sister Outsider during my senior year of college sitting on a shelf filled with old, used paperbacks and a “Free!” sign overhead. The cover was plain blue, and the plastic of the binding was worn and peeling badly. The only redeeming quality was the name and photograph of an author I recognized: Audre Lorde. Truth be told, after I couldn’t find time to read it during school, it basically sat unopened until last summer.

Once I started to read it, I was blown away. As a womanist and scholar of feminist history, I’d heard quotes from Audre Lorde, but had no idea how much her words would speak directly to my life and my thoughts. I guess I was expecting something that was purely academic and boring, but her work is much more than that – she’s unabashedly human in the way I wish I could be. At once, she is brash, profane, poetic and sexual; she is mothering, motivating, and critical; she is unafraid of her own mistakes and shortcomings, and honest about her personal growth and empowerment.

Unlike so many of the activists I’ve learned about, she makes no effort to sanitize herself: her life was far from perfect or stereotypical, and she defined life on her own terms, regardless of the social conventions of the day. She was an openly gay Black woman in America writing poetry during the 1970s, and spoke about the divisions that lie within the modern feminist movement, highlighting the unique experiences of women of color that are erased by mainstream campaigns.

My favorite essay so far is entitled “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House,” a speech she delivered at the Second Sex Conference at the New York University Institute for the Humanities on September 29th, 1979. Even though she delivered these words forty years ago, they still resonate with the political climate among progressives today.

In the essay, Lorde chastises the University and Feminism for trying to discuss feminist theory without examining the differences which form women’s identities. Most importantly, she criticizes the structure of the movement by asking why feminists are using the tools of patriarchy to study patriarchy itself. Doing so, she forces her readers to acknowledge that the tools of patriarchy and oppression (racism, sexism, homophobia and the like) can never be used to build movement for our own liberation. “For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house. They may allow use to temporarily beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change.” (page. 112). As a Black woman involved in movements for gender and racial equity, I can see these “tools of the master” at work in the divisions which hamper progressive groups today.

On a personal level, she has solidified my stance as a womanist dedicated to racial, gender, and social justice in the same way I experience the world - all at once. More than that, she has been a voice of encouragement for me to speak my own truth.

As I near the age of thirty, I still find myself holding back my honest opinions and suppressing my thoughts for the comfort of others. But for Lorde, silence and fear of judgement were concepts that must be turned into action. After being faced with the possibility of breast cancer in late 1977, she was struck with the concept of her own mortality and revealed her previous silence as her greatest regret. She wrote: “I am going to die, if not sooner than later, whether or not I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.” (page 41, “The Transformation of Silence Into Language and Action.”). This sentence struck me as permission to speak more honestly about my life and as a directive from one activist to another. While judgement and consequences are very real, they cannot stop women’s voices or change our realities.

Meet Morgan

Morgan Sills is based in Washington D. C. A womanist and writer, Morgan’s journey has taken her many places, which inform her global perspective. Currently pursuing a law degree at Howard University, she also serves a paralegal and an advocate for racial justice.

Take the Hard Road with Shawn

of Oxford, OH

In What Do We Need Men For? A Modest Proposal, author E. Jean Carroll uses humor to delve into the difficult topics of sexual assault and sexual harassment. The title - a reference to Jonathan Swift’s essay about eating children to solve the problem of poverty - is our first clue that Carroll is taking an unconventional tone in addressing the concerns of the #MeToo era. Framing the novel around a road trip, Carroll oscillates between a narrative account of random strangers answers to the big question (“What do we need men for?”) and describing her lifetime journey through sexual assault.

Previous to the release of this book I had never heard of the author, but I came to find out she was a famed advice columnist whose career had her cross paths with the likes of Hunter S. Thompson, Roger Ailes, and Donald Trump. It wasn’t until she described her friendship with Hunter S. Thompson that I recognized the book’s literary style. A style that calls to mind Ralph Steadman's illustration of Thompon’s book, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, a feeling of being being swept up by a racing car. As I reflect on her long list I see how humor and the abruptness of the stories saves us the emotional toil of living too long in each memory.

Each time a walk through the author’s history threatens to become “too heavy,” Carroll sweeps us back to the present moment and asks stranger, what do we need men for? And we are given common answers, often non-answers. A group of men counter with an age-old, “So our wives will have somebody to boss around”.

The book was highly publicized as a book containing an accusation of rape from President Donald Trump. Carroll has a unique historical role, having meet two of America’s most hideous men, Ailes and Trump, but the telling of her rape by the later in her humorous way gives her the final editorial on the the publication of her story. This is what makes this piece part of the large idea of womanhood in the modern age- the idea that we are in control of the narrative. That even though the act took a great deal from Carroll she is able break her attacker down with her strength and professional wit. I am tempted to write that Carroll stands in contrast to Aziz Ansari accuser “Grace” …but a more inclusive way of thinking is how the #MeToo movement can make room for both experiences and all those in between.

Meet Shawn

Shawn Audrey Vanness earned her BA in English Literature from Miami University in 2009. After which, she taught English in China and Thailand. From 2015 to 2017 and served as a youth development adviser with the Peace Corps Morocco in Zaouia Ben Hmida, a town of 500. Her onsite work included establishing cross-cultural programs, developing a school library, serving on the Gender and Development Committee (GAD), and conducting community outreach in Moroccan Arabic. She currently serves as the Communications Specialist in the Library at her Alma mater, Miami University.

Be Your Best Self with Christele

of Macon, Georgia

As the founder of a new company, I recently had the opportunity to attend a “Dinner with Founders” event where I got a chance to hear from Jewel Burks, a female founder extraordinaire. She mentioned how she’s pitched her company over 200 times prior to it being sold to Amazon. I was very fascinated by that. For some odd reason, I told myself that my second pitch would not be as bad because I had 198 more to go as I perfected my craft. She recommended we read two books: Little Voice Mastery and The Four Agreements as those books were beneficial in her presentations.

By the end of the night, I ordered both of those books and couldn’t wait to snuggle in my space to read them. The Four Agreements was a life changing book for me mentally and emotionally in the space I am in right now. In my quest to become an ecosystem builder in the tech and innovation space, I have realized how much this journey is an inward work. This book has allowed me to push forward in areas that I’ve felt stuck and allowed me to persevere. If you’re an entrepreneur, intrapreneur, a professional career woman, or whomever you desire to be, in a space wanting to move forward in life, I definitely recommend this short read.

The book mentions that thousands of years ago, the Toltec were known in Southern Mexico as “women and men of knowledge”. They were scientists and artists who formed a society to explore and conserve the spiritual knowledge and practices of the ancient ones. Their knowledge was embodied and passed through generations by different lineages of naguals. Don Miguel Ruiz, a nagual from the Eagle Knight Lineage shares the teaching of the Toltec through the Four Agreements:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

In the intro the author mentions as humans, we have a powerful memory. We are the only living beings that pay a thousand times for the same mistakes, we judge ourselves again and again. I realized how true that was in my inward conversations. As I pitch a new concept to a prospective client, no matter how much research and work I’ve put into this, I realized my confidence plays a major role in my delivery.

The first agreement “ Be Impeccable with your word” is described to be the most important and most difficult to honor. Through this agreement, the author mentions the importance of seeing the value of a word. He believes that through your word, you express creative power. The human mind is seen as fertile where seeds are being planted. The seeds in this example are ideas and concepts. Every time we speak a word, we sew a seed that provokes a thought that has the ability to grow. Every human mind is fertile, but only for a seed that it is prepared for.

There is an example they use in this agreement that really resonated with me. He speaks of an intelligent woman who had a daughter whom she loved dearly. One night she came home from a horrible day at work, full of emotional tension and a headache. She sought peace and quiet. Unaware of how her mother was feeling, the daughter was jumping and singing expressing her joy and love. That worsened her mother’s headache to the point where she lost control. Therefore, the mom angrily said, “ Shut up! You have an ugly voice. Can you just shut up!”

It’s not that the little girl’s voice was ugly; the mother’s tolerance for noise was nonexistent. But the daughter believed what her mother said, and in that moment she made an agreement with herself. She no longer sang because she believed her voice was ugly. This triggered her timidity in different spaces for a long period in her life. This agreement allowed me to go on a journey inwardly. If I’m being honest, that little girl was me. OR better yet, that little girl is me. It finally made sense why growing up I was the very shy person in the room. Although now, you can hardly tell that I am timid outwardly, but it’s a daily battle growing in confidence.

The second agreement is don’t take anything personally. Through this agreement, I have learned that often times the way people treat you has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. That’s a whole WORD!

The third agreement is don’t make assumptions. The danger in making assumptions is that we believe they are very true. We create emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally because we are afraid to ask for clarifications we make assumptions and believe in them.

Lastly, we have the fourth agreement which is always do your best. This one is powerful! It is the agreement that allows the three to become deeply ingrained habits. Your best will never be the same from one moment to the next. It is ever changing. I love how he mentions your best at times may be high quality and other times not as good. This agreement allows me to feel guilt free. “When we do our best, we learn to accept ourselves. But we have to be aware of our mistakes. Learning from our mistakes means we practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing. This increases awareness.”

This book was truly life changing for me. It allowed me to look at myself in the mirror and SEE myself. Seeing myself felt different. Seeing myself felt powerful and anew.

Meet Christele

Christele Nicolas-Parham was born in Haiti and lived in South Florida most of her life. She is now a Macon, Georgia resident who has a passion for developing proof of concepts through tech and innovation. She and her husband founded Macon Black Tech as a way to create a safe space to ideate through tech and innovation.

In her downtime, she loves to read, travel and enjoy family moments with her husband and her 2 pups. She also likes to hang out with her friends and explore new spaces. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter to stay up to date with Christele as she applies The Four Agreements to her life.

Assume a New Lens with Rachelle

Of Macon, Georgia

Somehow or other I missed the class where all Southern high school students are assigned To Kill A Mockingbird. Being a bit of a nerd and avid reader, I certainly would have read it. But instead of joining the assigned texts like Things Fall Apart or Crime and Punishment that still line my shelves it joined Catcher In The Rye and The Awakening, books I heard of but never paused my personal reading list for.

When that book did come into my possession, I was 23 and had just moved to Illinois for graduate school. I knew very few people and even fewer with whom I connected. Consequently, the local book shop and I became very well acquainted. Complete with a kind, bearded mastermind who knew everything about everything ever written and a timid but quirky cat, this little shop felt like a home away from homes. Craving a bit of that Southern scenery, I came across To Kill A Mockingbird and decided it was time.

I had no idea what greatness I was about to consume. This tale of a young girl discovering the injustices of society and the price of standing for one’s conviction is timeless. Harper Lee is masterful in her ability to highlight the absurdity of prejudice and racism by using a child’s lens to distill the reasoning down to its flawed core.

To Kill A Mockingbird is fearless in confronting, not only racism as a disadvantage to those it victimizes, but also as an advantage to the perpetrators (of course), their kin, and their race as a whole. And while race, being the very topic of the book, is primarily where the conversation centers, Lee has introduced a very powerful commentary on how gender also plays a role in the way these injustices unfold.

The plot is driven by the unfolding trial of an African American man, Tom Robinson, falsely accused of raping a white woman, Mayella Ewell. Lee complicates the narrative by introducing the troubling circumstances that surround Mayella. It shows how Mayella is simultaneously a victim of physical abuse and rape by the hand of her father while also being a villain, responsible for Tom’s harassment and death.

Mayella’s gender is at once lending itself to her daily suffering, which the reader is not to ignore, while also allowing her an advantage above Tom Robinson. It was not because she was Mayella that the community rallied behind her, but because she was a white woman. Lee, also a white woman, created a character that challenged the national narrative that white women are fragile and saintly, to be protected at all costs. Mayella is dirty and dumb; she is disrespectful and forceful; she is a liar and a coward. And still a victim. And still a villain. Mayella was the most despicable white woman and yet her thinly built lie was enough to sentence Tom to death. There is no ambiguity, being a Black man was his crime.

Lee shows us that Mayella, despite her many shortcomings and weaknesses, was given power stronger than truth or justice. A power she misused. A power she never should have had. Regardless of being mistreated her entire life, the reader still holds, and should hold, Mayella responsible for her assault and villainy against Tom. Being abused does not give the right to abuse.

Lee’s examination of how white women benefit from racism is a conversation that is still happening today because the injustice persists. To Kill A Mockingbird was written 60 years ago but the themes remain relevant. If you have never read it, you are seriously missing out on an amazing piece of literature. If you have, I recommend a re-read. Look at it through a gender lens and see what new commentaries reveal themselves.

Meet Rachelle

I have a passion to tell the stories of amazing women, which includes my own story. As life has taken me through its inherent ups and downs, each experience has refined my understanding and empathy.

In 2019 I launched this website, The Southern Siren, to share my journey towards wholeness and to highlight the impressive women that surround me. I believe that for too long, women have allowed others to tell our stories and define our experiences for us. Own the narrative is the Southern Siren’s rallying cry, one I hope will become as natural for us as our heartbeat.