Expanding Your Social Circle
Perfecting the art of social interactions has always been a challenge. A societal shut down caused most of us to spend over a year only seeing the same small group in person. Any small talk or social skills may have (understandably) all but disappeared during this isolation period.
Whether we like it or not, the world has opened back up along with the expectation that we are as friendly, personable, and interesting as before. Queue anxiety! Most of us have not added to our social circle over the past two years and without the nurturing that is typically sustained through casually connecting at social events, many of those loose ties we had faded away as well.
Outside of networking groups, there are not half as many in person forums as what was available to us as kids. As I encourage myself to get back out there to reestablish faded friendships and create new ones, I found myself at a loss of how to go about it. I have felt more awkward than ever, often at a loss of what to say or forgetting my thoughts mid-sentence.
But there is hope for me! I know I am not alone in feeling rusty, to put it nicely. Nor am I alone in the desire to make new friends and acquaintances. Looking for some ideas that might help us all, I reached out to some ever-friendly faces for the ways they have found to be successful at expanding their social circles.
Find a Sports League
by Nina of jacksonville, florida
Making friends as an adult can be (*sigh*) difficult at times. This is not only something I have experienced but something I often hear from other adults. After living abroad for five years, I moved back to the states and found myself in a new city trying to make friends. I itch at the thought of a networking event therefore I needed something less formal. Sports have always been an integral part of my life, so I went back to basics with the goal of making friends and staying fit. Tennis seemed like the perfect antidote to my solitude and a socially distant activity; I dove right in having never played before! Whatever sports league tickles your fancy, I say go for it!
As I warmed up to tennis as my social breakthrough, here are a few lessons I learned along the way:
1) Let others know you’re looking.
Whether your interest is a reading club, sports, or even dating, communicate your interest to your network. I was at my chiropractor’s office in the spring of 2021 when I mentioned that I wanted to try tennis. He told me his office coordinator played and she could give me insight on where to start. She connected me to a local tennis pro, and he has been my coach ever since.
2) It is all about the fun!
No one is out here trying to be Serena Williams on the community courts. This is to say, you don’t have to be great… or even good! Get out and enjoy yourself. Everyone started somewhere, so take the pressure off, don’t take yourself too seriously, and enjoy the process. You will be surprised how much you improve over time.
3) Don’t forget to follow-up.
I’ve had so much fun playing for my local Working Women’s League, Ultimate Tennis, and USTA. The best aspect is getting to know the ladies off the court. I’m tempted to say that tennis is my ruse for margaritas. Possibly! Whether it’s drinks, coffee, or lunch, be intentional about cultivating relationships beyond the court.
Ask Your Friend Crush Out
By Nancy Abarca of Macon, Georgia
I took many things for granted during my time in college, however the one that became most apparent after graduating was the easy access to peers. Back then friendships were forged so easily, through the bond of same majors and minors, through the love of shared classes, and the mutual hatred of exams and essays, it was almost too easy.
It would stand to reason that I would ponder the question, how did people make friends out in the real world, outside of school and work? I would find the answer where we find most things nowadays, the internet, or rather social media.
I met my future friend at one of my favorite local farmers markets. She was a vendor I hadn’t seen before and once my eyes caught sight of her table my legs were more than happy to guide me there. Woven baskets, brass candle holders, mini wooden animal figures, and more filled her table. I was in vintage heaven and my desire to buy everything fought with the logic my wallet woefully held. She not only gave me some great deals but was so easy to talk to. We got to know each other better with each market visit and with Instagram’s help. The social app kept us in touch and up to date on our day to day lives. While I loved seeing her post items for sale, I also loved learning what her decor style was and I found her taste and humor was on par with mine.
My enthusiasm at the potential friendship grew as did my anxiety at the thought of broaching the subject. After tireless debates with myself, I decided I would invite her to my next book club meetup. Books, I learned through our Instagram connection, were a common love we shared. I braved the question and was relieved with her immediate delight and interest. Any unease fell away during book club when she said, “I’m so glad you invited me. I’ve been trying to figure out how to make new friends. It’s so hard!”
Join a Reading Group
by Kate Fisher of Macon, georgia
Making friends is hard. When Covid made the world come to a screeching halt, developing new friendships also pumped the brakes. As I slowly adjust to the new normal, developing friendships is one of my priorities. And not a social media, liking every post, friendship. I want eye contact, elaborate inside jokes, and shared interests. But, how do I get there?
The simplest way to create a connection with another human being is to find shared experience. Books have always been a fascinating escape from reality, and to find a shared experience through the written word is a way of immediately connecting people. My solution to finding friends - talk books.
Joining a local book group is a way of adding yourself to a group of people who have experienced the same book. Immediately you all have context and connection through the shared story you have all read. You may have nothing in common with the individuals within the book group, but you share a collective experience and connection through the title the book group has read.
If you are like me, and are focusing on developing and nurturing friendships, I’d suggest joining a book group. Your local public library is a great place to start. My local library book group is Macon Readers at the Washington Memorial Library in Macon, Georgia. Macon Readers is every other month and book titles are picked based on the social and historical interests of the Southeast.
If you, like me, are looking for some friendship inspo, let their experiences encourage you. Firstly, to know you are not alone, and secondly to try a new approach. After all, we could all use a few more friendly faces in our lives.