Your Best Self
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
A review by Christele Nicolas-Parham
As the founder of a new company, I recently had the opportunity to attend a “Dinner with Founders” event where I got a chance to hear from Jewel Burks, a female founder extraordinaire. She mentioned how she’s pitched her company over 200 times prior to it being sold to Amazon. I was very fascinated by that. For some odd reason, I told myself that my second pitch would not be as bad because I had 198 more to go as I perfected my craft. She recommended we read two books: Little Voice Mastery and The Four Agreements as those books were beneficial in her presentations.
By the end of the night, I ordered both of those books and couldn’t wait to snuggle in my space to read them. The Four Agreements was a life changing book for me mentally and emotionally in the space I am in right now. In my quest to become an ecosystem builder in the tech and innovation space, I have realized how much this journey is an inward work. This book has allowed me to push forward in areas that I’ve felt stuck and allowed me to persevere. If you’re an entrepreneur, intrapreneur, a professional career woman, or whomever you desire to be, in a space wanting to move forward in life, I definitely recommend this short read.
The book mentions that thousands of years ago, the Toltec were known in Southern Mexico as “women and men of knowledge”. They were scientists and artists who formed a society to explore and conserve the spiritual knowledge and practices of the ancient ones. Their knowledge was embodied and passed through generations by different lineages of naguals. Don Miguel Ruiz, a nagual from the Eagle Knight Lineage shares the teaching of the Toltec through the Four Agreements:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
In the intro the author mentions as humans, we have a powerful memory. We are the only living beings that pay a thousand times for the same mistakes, we judge ourselves again and again. I realized how true that was in my inward conversations. As I pitch a new concept to a prospective client, no matter how much research and work I’ve put into this, I realized my confidence plays a major role in my delivery.
The first agreement “ Be Impeccable with your word” is described to be the most important and most difficult to honor. Through this agreement, the author mentions the importance of seeing the value of a word. He believes that through your word, you express creative power. The human mind is seen as fertile where seeds are being planted. The seeds in this example are ideas and concepts. Every time we speak a word, we sew a seed that provokes a thought that has the ability to grow. Every human mind is fertile, but only for a seed that it is prepared for.
There is an example they use in this agreement that really resonated with me. He speaks of an intelligent woman who had a daughter whom she loved dearly. One night she came home from a horrible day at work, full of emotional tension and a headache. She sought peace and quiet. Unaware of how her mother was feeling, the daughter was jumping and singing expressing her joy and love. That worsened her mother’s headache to the point where she lost control. Therefore, the mom angrily said, “ Shut up! You have an ugly voice. Can you just shut up!”
It’s not that the little girl’s voice was ugly; the mother’s tolerance for noise was nonexistent. But the daughter believed what her mother said, and in that moment she made an agreement with herself. She no longer sang because she believed her voice was ugly. This triggered her timidity in different spaces for a long period in her life. This agreement allowed me to go on a journey inwardly. If I’m being honest, that little girl was me. OR better yet, that little girl is me. It finally made sense why growing up I was the very shy person in the room. Although now, you can hardly tell that I am timid outwardly, but it’s a daily battle growing in confidence.
The second agreement is don’t take anything personally. Through this agreement, I have learned that often times the way people treat you has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. That’s a whole WORD!
The third agreement is don’t make assumptions. The danger in making assumptions is that we believe they are very true. We create emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally because we are afraid to ask for clarifications we make assumptions and believe in them.
Lastly, we have the fourth agreement which is always do your best. This one is powerful! It is the agreement that allows the three to become deeply ingrained habits. Your best will never be the same from one moment to the next. It is ever changing. I love how he mentions your best at times may be high quality and other times not as good. This agreement allows me to feel guilt free. “When we do our best, we learn to accept ourselves. But we have to be aware of our mistakes. Learning from our mistakes means we practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing. This increases awareness.”
This book was truly life changing for me. It allowed me to look at myself in the mirror and SEE myself. Seeing myself felt different. Seeing myself felt powerful and anew.
Photo by Jessica Whitley
Christele Nicolas-Parham was born in Haiti and lived in South Florida most of her life. She is now a Macon, Georgia resident who has a passion for developing proof of concepts through tech and innovation. She and her husband founded Macon Black Tech as a way to create a safe space to ideate through tech and innovation.
In her downtime, she loves to read, travel and enjoy family moments with her husband and her 2 pups. She also likes to hang out with her friends and explore new spaces. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter to stay up to date with Christele as she applies The Four Agreements to her life.